Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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