You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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