yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
