My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
