thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
