i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
