Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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