dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
