she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
