Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
