what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
