I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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