we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
