Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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