My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
