just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
