My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
