I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it glows. i had to have it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
