Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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