Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
