Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
