I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
