Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
