Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
