i think i have two assholes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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