I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
