Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
