all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
