it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
