I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
