If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
