Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
