Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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