just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
