When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
