what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
