I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
