I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
