dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We had sex on a dog bed..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
