i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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