I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
