Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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