please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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