dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
