Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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