There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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