I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
