I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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