why didn't you poke me back
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
