we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
