I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
