Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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