sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
