She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
