I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
