Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
